I published this post back in November, for a whole 15-minutes. Enough time for my mother to see it, and post the comment below. It’s in french (google translate – if you want to really know what it says). After 15-minutes of having it up, I decided to take it down, out of fear of “what people may think”. Now recently after words of encouragement from my dear friend Amandalynn, I have decided to put it back up. She stated: ”Go for it, we connect better to people when we share our insecurities, it makes us equal” . So here it is. Me. Raw.
What I see when I look at this girl above:
I see: Pretty eye color, love the pink lipstick, nails are looking half way decent and I like the white sheets. Then I look a little deeper… and I see this. Some wrinkles starting to surface. My face is too long & skinny. My eyebrows are not shaped like I would want them to. My eyes are not symmetrical. I look kind of plain. I feel a certain sadness coming through my eyes. Not sure why. My hair needs color at the roots. I look like the average girl. To me. Self doubting constantly. Self judging every day. Worried about everything everyday. Feeling under par in most of my endeavors. Unsure of myself. Then I start looking a little deeper. I see love. I see someone that is ALWAYS willing to help ANYONE. Someone that would do anything for her children. A soul that is kind, respectful, serene & calm. Someone who is funny, laughs at herself more than anything, creative, bursting with goals, caring & loving. Someone that is not perfect but always wants perfection. A planner. A dreamer.
Then I start looking even deeper. Despite all my insecurities, fears and self doubting. I have managed to remain sane, kind & driven. Like everyone else, I am a work in progress. But recently I have made some major steps in becoming more of who I want to be. I have let go of some pains that I have owned for many years. I have decided to no longer self doubt my photography work. I have decided to stay away from people that do not bring the best in me. I have discovered that I love my family now in a way that I never thought possible. I have decided to forgive my loved ones for their mistakes. Most of all I have decided to forgive myself for MY mistakes. I have concluded that the wrinkles on my faces, are the pages of my life. My moments, my trials and tribulations. I have decided to BREATH.
You hear constantly that you are supposed to live life to the fullest, and enjoy every minute with your loved ones. I have thought about it, but really never done it. Until now. I am doing it now. I am living MY life the way I want to, and to the fullest according to ME. I do for the first time realize that my life is greatness. I am becoming a better person every day. I am on a journey, with my family, and together we are living this amazing simple life. What I will accomplish with the rest of my life is unknown to you, but not to me. I will accomplish my dreams. I will become a better, greater, successful, mother, person & photographer. And…once these dreams are accomplished, I will then move on to the next ones.